- Do you want to hear a money joke? Never mind it makes no cents
- I’m so broke, that I can’t even afford to pay attention.
- I’m not a hoarder, I’m a savings enthusiast.
- The best things in life are free… and expensive.
- Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream. And that’s pretty much the same thing.
- Money talks…but all mine ever says is goodbye.
- “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
- “My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.”- Errol Flynn
- “I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” – Douglas Adams
- “Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”- Bill Vaughan
- Where do fish keep their money? In a river-bank!
- I tried to catch some fog earlier. Mistakenly, I caught a wallet instead. It’s all right though; the owner gave me a tenner for my trouble.
- How do you know if a banknote is fake? Try to spend it.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side of the street… and maybe snag a dollar bill or two!
- How much does it cost an ant to live in luxury? A fortune!
- I was going to give my best friend 2 tickets to my concert, but then I realized that would be like giving him 2 dollars.
- My aunt always asks me, “When are you going to get a real job?” I’m pretty sure she means one that pays in actual currency and not just compliments.
- My husband is so tight with money that he squeezes every penny until it screams!
- My bank called and said I need to come in and talk to them about my account. I think they want to charge me for being overdrawn!
- I don’t care about money, but it keeps me from being homeless!
- I’m not a gold digger, but I’ll dig for gold any day.
- How do you make a hasty buck? Sell your grandma’s dentures on eBay!
- Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
- How does a rabbi make money? By selling holy water by the river!
- Why don’t cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry.
- What’s the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
- The amateur thief says, “Give me all your money!”
- The professional thief says, “Sign here please.”
- What is money called in space? Star bucks
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